PISSED OFF ON A PORN SET FULL

The wook-ialogue is annoying, yes, but had you tuned in to the original broadcast already a Star Wars fan, you’d at least understand.So yes, less than five minutes in you are presented with the thought at some point in history a Wookie fucked a Wampa. Should a warehouse like that actually exist, would you want to spend any amount of time in it much less 15 straight minutes? It doesn’t help that Itchy doesn’t even resemble a Wookie, but more like a weird Wookie- Wampa hybrid thing.

PISSED OFF ON A PORN SET FULL

If you close the tab and just listen all conversations sound like a warehouse full of cats being put into blenders. Which means for 15 straight minutes all of the dialogue is Wookie noises. No actual human being shows up until about 15 minutes in. The first thing to understand is that the first chunk of this is devoted solely to Chewbacca’s family -wife Malla, son Lumpy, and father Itchy.

That, to say the least, is not what The Star Wars Holiday Special is.

Picture them flying the Millenium Falcon the wrong way through an asteroid field.

That’s like Planes, Trains, and Automobiles but instead of John Candy and Steve Martin you have Chewbacca and Han Solo, and at the end John Candy’s wife isn’t dead she’s just a Wookie. The only problem? The Empire set up a blockade around Kashyyyk, and Chewie might not make it home in time for the holidays. That’s amazing. It’s set mostly on Chewbacca’s home planet Kashyyyk during Life Day (yes, Life Day, not Christmas, so if you’re the type of person who gets pissed at people saying “Happy Holidays” you’re about to be real mad). Here’s the crazy part about the Star Wars Holiday Special…okay, here’s the one of MANY crazy parts about the Star Wars Holiday Special–the story-line actually had the chance to be pretty damn cool.This is about to get weird in way less than 12 parsecs. Now all I can think about is Wookie grandfathers jerking off to holo-porn and the fact Chewbacca once had sex. Thankfully, the invention of the internet ensures nothing is truly lost, and I was able to watch The Star Wars Holiday Special in its almost-entirety. C3PO himself, Anthony Daniels, once referred to it as “the horrible Holiday Special that nobody talks about.” That the majority of the core cast appears is only notable in that you can literally watch as Harrison Ford’s soul leaves his body.

It’s only notable achievement is introducing Boba Fett, which completely explains why he has the lamest on-screen death in the entire Star Wars saga. It makes Jar Jar Binks look like Alec Guiness. The reason? It is pure, unadulterated Bantha fodder. I say “as legend has it” because barring that fateful night in 1978, the Special was never rebroadcast or released on home video. Are you excited for the holidays? How about for Star Wars: The Force Awakens opening tomorrow, the first Star Wars film since 2005, and the first since 1983 to not star a whiny child with a rat tail? Of course you are! Do you also, perhaps, like to dabble in hallucinogenics and/or possess an unhealthy amount of self-loathing? Oh boy, do I have a treat for you.Īs legend has it, in 1978–before Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi ever hit theaters– The Star Wars Holiday Special aired on CBS a week before Thanksgiving.

Pissed off on a porn set